Gizzard wrote:

Human Development Link
Heres the link he talks about.

Gizzard wrote:

To many Americans, war is the best thing ever. It's CNN filming explosions, leading to the story where a soldier's sacrifice teaches a nation about courage, starring Bruce Willis. In fact, war brings out more emotions than the Super Bowl and AIDS combined. With a good enough war, executives could put William Hung in an Uncle Sam outfit singing the National Anthem to kick off the NAACP Image Awards, and there would not be a dry eye in the house.

That said, the U.S. is 3-2-1 since its inception (not including the Civil War, which would have added a win and a loss to the record). Note that I am generously not including the current Iraq war in those statistics. Because, really, who knows how that one is gonna turn out? Meanwhile, Canada is 5-0-1 during the same period, including a 1-0 record against the Yanks (1812). Moreover, while the Americans were deciding what color panties would look best on J. Edgar Hoover, we Canucks were ass-deep in the two world wars from the very beginning, completing every lousy job the Allies could throw at us.

Perhaps more to the point, many Americans, their chief executive included, probably couldn't pick out Canada on a map. If they tried to invade Canada, they'd end up mobilizing to Minnesota or somewhere and declaring victory after bombing the hell out of the Mall of America. Which reminds me—Canucks torched the White House once when we were passing through D.C. Hey, Marine, doesn’t this historical fact mean I totally won this stupid, dick-waving argument? Also consider, given the current political climate, lots of Americans wouldn’t mind if we did it again. Particularly if we offer to get them loaded on Alexander Keith’s.

The term “ugly American” used to refer to the kind of tourist who loudly demands ketchup for his filet mignon at a fine Paris restaurant. Now, it could refer to the majority of the country. Obesity is so out of control, I wish I’d bought stock in a stretch pants manufacturer. The average American has spent most of his life strapping butter to the inside of his skin. Canada doesn’t need a big army…within a few years, an epidemic of gravy-induced heart attacks will do the work for us. And our chicks are way hotter, because they don’t have to zoom around Wal-Mart on motorized wheelchairs.

Then there’s the always-contentious issue of terrible Canadian musicians. Sure, Celine Dion is an international punchline, and we’ve also unleashed the terror of Bryan Adams on the world. But for every Canuck that makes you cringe, I can name ten Yanks that make me want to stab my eardrums with a Q-Tip. Seriously, I’ll listen to nothing but Canadian artists for a year if you promise to listen to nothing but Michael Bolton, Kevin Federline, and Hilary Duff. We’ll see which of us cracks first.

This is going to hurt for you to hear, but American beer is a laughingstock. I’m not trying to be a snob here, but even if I lost my sense of taste in some sort of firecracker incident, I still wouldn’t touch the questionable slop that passes for beer south of the border. There’s an old joke all Canadians are taught at a young age: How is sex in a canoe like American beer? They’re both f***ing close to water.

But perhaps the most damning thing I can say is that many Americans don’t wish to be identified as such. While traveling throughout Europe, I encountered literally dozens of people with Canadian flags sewn onto their backpacks. As it turned out, just about all of them were Americans posing as Canadians. This is apparently a very common tactic of American travelers. Why are young Americans ashamed to be recognized as such? You’d never see Canadian travelers sewing the stars and stripes onto their belongings, after all.

Oh, and in case my arguments are insufficient, there is actually a scientific, internationally-acknowledged way to tell which country is better. It’s called the Human Development Index. It incorporates factors such as life expectancy, literacy rate, gross domestic product, etc. in order to determine which country should change its national motto to “We’re number 1! Woooooooo!”

Go ahead and click on that link. Tell me which country has been ranked highest 10 times. In case history’s not important to you either, check out the most recent Index. Canada ranked 4th, while the U.S. finished a dismal 12th, behind nations like Japan and France. That’s right. A bunch of midget, panty-obsessed salaryman drones and a nation of wine-sipping collaborators enjoy a higher standard of life than you. For shame, America.

Hoserdom has its advantages. We live in a climate that makes us impervious to pain, we're better educated, and our donuts and beer are clearly superior. Seriously, have you ever tried poutine? And I haven’t even touched on Canada’s low crime rates, relaxed drug laws, or free health care. It’s just a matter of time until even the most die-hard, stars and stripes bandana types are begging to become part of the Dominion.

To summarize: America = Canada’s beard. Now roll out of bed and make us pancakes, b**ch.

bbqmaster wrote:

go back to canadia and go fix your blown up KTM that you know nothing about